The Crowning of the Prophet Una

The Crowning of the Prophet Una


Kevin Higgins




A PR disaster coupled with an angry public and small local protests are distracting from the topic of water security.” – Una Mullally, Why We Should Pay for Water, Irish Times, May 12th, 2014.


Media appears unable to interpret political movements formed outside traditional party structures.” – Una Mullally, Why are Irish journalists again missing a movement?, Irish Times, Aprll 16th, 2018


Her weekly commandments we caw in unison
from our twin mountaintops: Twitbark and Facepalm.


She’s this millennium’s equivalent of an old-style Archbishop
and we’d happily wrestle for the privilege


of placing, with our trembly fingers
a diamond studded mitre


on her frail skull. It’s said
to renew her cred


each week she has a black woman
or a gypsy for dinner—as a guest


and not as part of the meal
as most of her journalistic colleagues


prefer. When her predictions come true
we run through the streets screaming


our big watery eyed yes!
Carve her words in glorifying marble


until our pale clappers bleed like Padre Pio’s.
When they turn out to be what rhymes with


farce, we dutifully delete them from our heads
and, where we can, the heads of others


making liberal use of the purifying hacksaw we get free
with Monday’s Times; keep our minds pristine


as a scrap of paper with print on it so small
only busybody cranks and half dead Bolsheviks


with issues feel the need to read it.
For every word the Prophet Una types is lickable


as the projectile vomit that must
burst forth from a mouth that lives


on cough bottles and artificial sweetener
which she allegedly eats with a shovel.



Bio: Kevin Higgins’s Song of Songs 2:0 – New and Selected Poems will be published by Salmon Poetry in April. His poems have been quoted in The Daily Telegraph, The Times (UK), The Independent, and The Daily Mirror. The Stinging Fly magazine recently described Kevin as “likely the most read living poet in Ireland.”

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