21 Sep The Energy of a Stone
The Energy of a Stone
Jonathan Darren Garcia
Rosemary Journal #1
I tried to kill myself. Still, I lay here like a rigid stone etched with scars and without pulse. It’s been rough getting that out, even on here. It was a moment of weakness on my part. I guess—I’ve had many moments of weakness… I really didn’t enjoy fading in and out of consciousness and seeing my mother in a panic though. That was a first for me.
I’ve been inside this hospital for about four days now. I have no access to anything here other than my journal and Whisper. I get to go outside for however long I want if the sun is out. Which is great because the air inside this place causes me to choke with anxiety and sometimes, I can barely tell the time since the window is always covered. The walls here are silent white as a madman’s unheard scream. So being surrounded by the trees and the shaking of their leaves soothes me like music.
I get a small lunch that I find distasteful but the critters outside seem to absolutely enjoy. A small flock of blue jays and this lovely cat have been visiting me. My first day here they fought over my food and the cat was able to withstand a couple of pecks before giving up so lately I’ve been splitting the food to stop the fighting.
Of course, I must be under supervision especially when using Whisper. There’s someone watching me right now—looking at me carefully and trying to be discrete as if I don’t know I am being watched. She raises her eyebrow and chin trying to look over my shoulder. When she does this, that’s how I know she’s about to take away Whisper. It’s my last day here actually so regardless I’ll be getting Whisper back later anyway. I won’t have to deal with the ceaseless interviews and clean hospital smell for much longer. Don’t worry, I know I’ve been angsty, it’s only because I am here though. I wish I was more like you; any time you feel empty I could easily replenish the ink.
My mother came to visit me yesterday. She wants me in a public school so I can assimilate into society better. She thinks that maybe if I’m exposed to more personable people, I might become well adept to social circumstances. She sees a future that I do not.
The thought of being in a class of strangers is frightening. The thought of being surrounded by a school of people is a horror movie. I can already feel myself shrinking and becoming a plankton—hunted by a shoal of famished fish or worse—maybe I become the fish that is singled out by a predatory bird.
Regardless of how I feel, I will be starting school tomorrow. It’ll be the midpoint of the first semester. I will be a senior so I don’t anticipate on making friends.
They should keep my information outside of my door because I fear I will be back here soon enough.
Rosemary Journal #2
I felt lonely and lost most of the day. I walked around filled with affliction. All I can remember hearing was my heart beating and echoing at every corner of every hall.
Class was such a blur—I was blank and absentminded. Eventually I was just disinterested all together and just decided to go for a walk outside.
I ended up by these great big palm trees. They were strange and out of place. They are the only palm trees here in the school and I think in the area. They also all grew close together with one of the trees overlapping the roots of one of the other as if they were holding each other.
It turns out I had stumbled upon the Elite XI training grounds and I was approached by this girl named Amaranth and her boyfriend Nario. Amaranth was pleasant and courteous, donned in her white windbreaker with roses on her sleeves and pink scarf. Her skin was fair, and she had these inviting eyes. She introduced herself and knew right away that I was new. Nario was silent and had a scowl most of the time so I tried to avoid eye contact.
Nario apparently is the leader of the Elite XI. I gathered being part of the club because of his uniform. I know every high school has one, but I was unaware there was “leaders” in the groups. Maybe that was their hangout spot? I don’t remember seeing anyone else around. I was just staring off into the distance sitting on the roots when they approached me.
They gave me a small tour of the school and showed me around. I think I was so focused on not being nervous that it was difficult paying attention, but I caught everything they said and extended my gratitude. Now I know, for the most part, how to get around.
My mom was relieved and elated to hear that someone even approached and talked to me. Her expression was that of victory when I told her about my day.
I wish I could share her optimism. I don’t mind being a ghost. Maybe If I play along long enough, I can skip class enough to just get kicked out and return to my normal home schooling.
Rosemary’s notes Lecture #14 Basic Energy Play
1. Orgone Energy is stored and emitted from the blood.
2. Most Orgone Awakenings happen during moments of intense emotional stress but will eventually happen naturally.
3. People have a natural Orgone shield. This prevents physical and physiological harm (such as regular lead bullets and most disease) but not psychical harm (that which affects the orgone shield such as the basic energy bullet). The strength of an individual’s orgone shield varies. Extensive physical and mental stress can cause the orgone shield to shift inward making the physical body highly susceptible.
4. Orgone can be harnessed by using Songs more commonly called F-lock pistols after the Chinese Dynasty that first harnessed gunpowder which is now very obsolete.
5. Thunder shot, Fire shot, and Pulse shot (energy) are the basic bullets of a Song.
6. Stone shot, Ice shot, and Light shot are advanced bullets and can only be controlled and used by about .036% of the population.
7. Light is the most advanced out of the three and is the most difficult to control.
8. Orgone energy can also be used to convert plant energy and extend their healing properties directly to a wound. This will stimulate the cells of the area and expedite convalescence.
Wow! How cool! Even with his boring voice I can’t seem to put the book down. Songs are issued to Elite XI members. I can’t imagine how much fun they have learning this.
Rosemary Journal #3
Class is a bore. I’m far ahead in most of the subjects they speak about. I love history but didn’t learn much. I was never good at English. I do, however, love my Energy Play class. They spoke of how Orgone charges through the human body and how it can influence objects and be controlled. That was pretty much the only interesting subject of the day.
Amaranth found me in the same spot again and we sat and just talked this time. It was very nice. She explained in more detail of how Orgone energy works.
I suppose since her boyfriend is part of the Elite XI, she would know more about the subject since the Elite XI take Advanced Energy Play classes. I imagine it to be such an envious experience. I didn’t really know what else to talk about and that was pretty much the only thing I could think of off the top of my head. She gave me some of Nario’s old original class notes. She told me she re-writes all his notes for him because her handwriting is better. I’m excited about looking over these after I put you down Whisper. He writes in cursive also. Like mine except his is far more jagged but I can read it none the less.
Eventually Amaranth and I started to talk about music, and we are both huge fans of Nightmare Beats and Axiliya. I didn’t think she’d be into stuff like that. It was the first time I saw her smile. Seeing her lips curl silly as a child staring at a new unexplored park caused me to smile as well. It was like she was a completely different person. Her personality bounced gleefully with her curly hair. My eyes probably didn’t shimmer nearly as brightly as hers did.
Amaranth grew excited any time she found opportunity to explain something I didn’t know. Any detail I missed about the nature of Orgone or other coffee shops I have yet to visit. Even with all the freedom I had, I never realized how small my world was until she started talking about all these places here in Taured that I’ve never been too. Another surprising fact was we both enjoy our coffee with a lot of cream and a lot of sugar.
Yes, I know, it’s also possible that I live in my head too much to comprehend that other people might share the same interests as me. Anyway, it was nice. We’re making plans to go out and just explore the city a bit. That’s a huge step that I’ve never done before. I hate to admit this but—I had a decent day.
Nario’s Lecture Notes #17 Elite XI Basic Evasive Techniques
The Dodge Roll
When performing a dodge roll place less impact on your ankles and try not to bounce.
1-2 gather step and then release into a hollow position.
Do not roll with your spine, roll with your shoulder.
Absorb with your hands by creating a diamond.
Tuck your chin and shoulder roll.
How boring and stupid. You can’t avoid the power of a song.
Rosemary Journal #4
Today I walked through the inferno—it was hell. I can’t explain what happened. For lunch, I usually avoid going to the cafeteria and I find someplace away from everyone to eat.
As we were let out for lunch, I found myself in a herd of people. There were people just hanging around and others walking unapologetically left and right. I felt my chest sinking and it was like the world was vibrating around me. I felt like all eyes were on me and I saw a couple of people laughing. The halls grew hands and squeezed me like a lemon. I didn’t know what to do. I just panicked and went straight to the restroom. I went to the stall in the furthest corner like a mouse retreating with nowhere to go and accepting that death was a better option than suffering another moment of running. I slammed the toilet seat down and didn’t even sit. I paced for a moment and just took my knife out.
I sat there—hands shaking. The heat from my cheeks felt like hot charcoal that could evaporate my tears. I don’t know where this came from. I never do. I hate that feeling. I’m sorry Whisper. I let you down again. In a moment of weakness, I relapsed.
At that precise moment Amaranth fumbled into the bathroom and Nario was behind her. I watched from the crack of my stall door. He was half talking and half whispering so it was hard to make out what he was saying.
I calmed myself as quickly as I could. Amaranth didn’t even struggle. She held herself up on the sink, but it was clear to me that she was crying. I could hear her gagging and responding while clearing her nostrils. His bony fingers like snakes wrapped around her neck. All the while my unfinished work was beginning to stain.
Eventually Nario released his grip on her and left. I didn’t know what to do. What can I do? I exited my stall a moment after. Amaranth’s eyes were as wide as a full moon when she realized she wasn’t alone. She saw my knife and the cut. She said nothing but held my arm out gently with her eyes still watery and nose runny. She healed it like new with yarrow essence that she carries in her brown satchel. She stared straight into my eyes and said, “Did you poke yourself playing with that?” without realizing she interrupted me.
After, she told me to forget what happened and to not tell anyone. I just stared silent at a loss for words.
I couldn’t shake the feeling but—does this happen often? It would make sense to me since she wears that pink scarf a lot.
Rosemary Journal #5
I miss the freedom of going to coffee shops. Today I went to my favorite coffee shop, White Elephant, and relaxed a bit. I skipped the first class of the day but that’s ok. I just needed to be alone and away from everyone. I needed more time to ruminate over what happened before I returned to school.
I ran into another member of the Elite XI but pretended to not even notice him. He appeared very disorganized and dropped a piece of torn paper while leaving. I couldn’t help but snoop and it appears to just be love notes of some sort passed between him and some other girl.
After class Nario was waiting outside for me. I staggered a bit and he told me with his voice low and grumbly, “I don’t know what you saw but stay away from Amaranth.” And that was it. I can still see his copper colored eyes tinted red with a piercing danger. I didn’t even know what to say back. Did Amaranth tell him something? I don’t think he was around, but maybe he was. I feel he is always close looming in the depths like a darter. Treating the school and its halls like a swamp and lingering underneath the surface. I don’t like it.
Later, I was walking to my usual spot by the palm trees and I caught a glimpse of them at a distance. Amaranth was wearing the scarf again.
I am torn. I didn’t expect it to affect me this much, but I feel hurt. I wonder if she’s ok. I hope I didn’t get her in trouble. I don’t want to see her hurt so I’m just going to stay away.
None of this worked out. I’m going to beg my mother to take me out of school. I can’t cope with this sort of stuff. The drama, the failed bonds, the subpar lectures, I want no part of it anymore. I found myself just crying when I got home. Words barely touched the surface of my lips all day. The only thing that touched them was the taste of despair, salt.
Aaron’s note from other Elite XI member
Aaron, I’ve been considering what you told me the other day.
Let’s meet in 4 days at their spot.
I still want some time to think.
I’m with you.
Rosemary Journal #6
My mother reluctantly agreed to let me home school, so this is my last week. Three more days and I’ll be back to my regular schedule.
I saw Amaranth and Nario in the hall in between classes and Amaranth wanted to talk but I could see Nario squeezing her hand as if to say, “Let’s go!”
I watched her walk away and then turn around to look back at me. The moment felt like it lasted a lifetime. I wondered how long before she was ok and then not ok again.
It pains me that she goes through that. I know its none of my business, but that sort of abuse isn’t right. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt like that.
My last day here—I think I’ll confront them both together about what happened and apologize too. Maybe if I just talk some sense into Nario he might see the errors in his ways. I don’t have anything to lose. If Amaranth is there too, he might be reluctant to take any sort of action.
What has gotten into me Whisper? I’m sure if it was the other way around Amaranth would do the same for me. She needs to know she’s not alone. I’m trying to put the right words together so that it doesn’t seem like an attack. I’m not the best wordsmith. Amaranth was probably the only good thing about this place. Even if I just get to say goodbye, I’ll be satisfied with that.
Rosemary Journal #7
I woke up in a hospital. I could only remember bits and pieces of what happened for a while.
I saw Nario and Amaranth by the palm trees and I approached them and Nario immediately told me to get lost after saying “hey”. Indeed, I did lose myself for a moment. I started to accept that I wouldn’t be able to even say goodbye and my final glimpse of Amaranth was going to be her eyes staring straight into mine, but something came over me and I turned around.
I went on a long, targeted rant. Fulminating to Amaranth on why she didn’t have to put up with that. I told her she wasn’t alone, and she should seek help. Nario looked at her and then looked at me. I could still hear myself turning to Nario and saying, “I don’t give a shit, I’m not talking to you!” after he tried interrupting me.
That’s when things got bad.
Nario tried to initiate a choke but I swiftly pushed him away. In his shock he pulled out his F-lock pistol and fired it straight at me. I’ve never actually seen one in use, but I was able to dodge roll the energy bullet. Well, ok Whisper, it was more like I threw myself to the ground and kind of rolled over. None the less, it caught Nario off guard. Amaranth rushed to disarm him but then some other girl and boy, whom I now know are named Phoebe and Aaron, wearing Elite XI uniforms rushed over.
In a clear rage and after easily pushing Amaranth away, he was able to re-aim. Before firing, Phoebe shot his pistol away from him and he then shifted his attention towards her. Aaron attempted to use his f-lock but it wasn’t being cooperative. He probably wasn’t shifting his energy properly.
I used the opportunity to grab Nario’s F-lock pistol and just as he had Phoebe by the neck I pointed and let go. I ended up using a stone shot and it caused temporary paralysis of his hand giving Phoebe and Aaron enough time to hold him down.
I remember hearing Amaranth’s voice calling to me.
After that I passed out. Maybe from the shock at my own bravery. My heart was thumping.
When I woke up Amaranth, Phoebe and Aaron were here. I never felt so filled with delight before in my life. I felt like a rose, dried by the sizzling sun and then being bathed by clean rain. They explained everything that happened to me even though I was still going through the fuzzies.
My mother threw a fit for quite a while, but she came around and understood. Phoebe and Aaron were doing their own investigation. Apparently, Nario wasn’t so popular.
Nario has been kicked out of the Elite XI. No one has heard from him since. He was expelled from the school. I was issued my own Song the other day. I modified the barrel to be thinner, that way my energy shots are sharper.
Aaron and Phoebe were here but they just left. It was a surprise to me but after I was released from the hospital Phoebe talked to the administrators about the incident and instead of getting punished she asked me if I wanted to join the Elite XI.
“I don’t know anyone that has ever dodged one of Nario’s energy shots.” She said to me. He was their best and most promising member. I feel a fate serving him a different kind of food now. One that is bitter.
Right now Cernovich Searches is on the Broadcastvision and I can see the sunsetting through my window. I wanted Amaranth to watch my favorite show before we leave again. It’s about investigating missing cases, crime stuff. We just got back from White Elephant and she took some cute and funny looking pictures of me. I’m not the best at smiling but I like them none the less.
After that we went to some artsy place. She’s very into that. She says, “In a cruel world ruled by the finality of death, art is the forfeit of memories lived.” I never really viewed life in such a way. We give a part of ourselves whenever we create art. Maybe that’s why I write in my journal so much. It keeps me in control. I become the writer of my fate and the fate of others. Don’t worry Whisper, even though I’ve been neglecting you of the late, you’re the original. Even if you’re just a pen.
Jonathan Darren Garcia is an up and coming writer based in San Antonio, Texas. He has contributed works to From Whispers to Roars and Royal Rose. He spends his days indulging on several cups of coffee. He can be found on Twitter: @Freudky