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The Scum Gentry Alternative Arts and Media
The Scum Gentry New Poetry Magazine, dark poems and poetry online.

This is My Life - poem by Mark McConville

Cocaine nightmares and hopelessness bind together,
To create a broken mind
And I’ve been sinking deeper into the abyss that I call depression
I can’t withstand the inner unhappiness and tendencies
I’m hooked on misery, serving up cocktails of pills to myself,
To try and drown out the unnerving memories.

She’s stuck in my mind like a splattered fly
Shovelling narcotics near the receptors
And my eyes flicker and I feel manic,
And mesmerised by daytime television for the first time
In my life.

There’s a man on there, saluting me for my actions,
As I climb this mountain in my head
It’s so high, I’m so high,
Looking outside this window,
Bellowing at fast cars and people fuelled on caffeine.

I sit back and begin to see dots
And faces of ugliness
I can’t begin to rationalise with myself,
I feel incomplete searching for the missing piece
Of the frame, of the puzzle, to click myself back into place.

I see nightmarish goblins now, showing their toothless mouths,
Their acid tongues and their sharp nails,
I’m frightened but also curious,
Do they bite?

I want to sleep away the poison and disconnect from unholy spirits
I want to be judged for my mental instability
And I fear I’m truly lost in isolation,
In a room with peeling paper and stacked up beer cans

This is my life.

Bio: Mark McConville is a freelance music journalist from Scotland. His work has appeared online and in print. He also loves to write dark poetry and fiction.

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